Friday, 1 February 2013

The fairytale of Lewisham

Once upon a time in a land quite close to where we live now there was a hospital loved by patients, doctors and public alike. All the mummies and daddies and neighbours knew that they were safe because the hospital had all the right machines and clever doctors and nurses to look after the families of Lewisham if they got ill.

All until one day when a bumbling accountant came to town. An evil enchantment had been put on the accountant by the wicked magician Mckinsey and so the poor man could only see the world in pound notes. But children, it wasn't real money, it was the money of accountancy – a special kind of money that can disappear with a slight of hand.

The evil magician Mckinsey wanted all the hospital's money for himself and so he told the accountant to close the hospital to 'rationalise services'. All the people of Lewisham cried, 'Oh no! Don't take our lovely hospital – we love it so!'. But the naughty magician had made the accountant deaf and so he couldn't hear the people and carried on only thinking about money.

At this time, a Huntsman looked out from his tower. When he saw the people of Lewisham crying in the streets and shouting in protest he whispered to his friends, 'Who are these people? Why do they fuss? Don't they know that the evil magician McKinsey knows what's best for them? Don't they want the shiny hospital in the next kingdom we are offering them? Never mind that it's got no transport links, no matter that there will be too many people using it. People don't really need local emergency services, do they?'.

So the people of Lewisham shouted louder and refused to leave their hospital. They sent envoys to far away kingdoms to warn them that the Huntsman and the evil magician would visit them next to rationalise their services out of their hands and sell off their land to strange companies.

However, the Huntsman had forgotten that he lived in a democracy and was in danger of losing his tower. He then suddenly remembered a tale from the town he came from, where he had heard that in years gone by his hospital had also been threatened by the great dragon Austerity. He vaguely recalled that he had been one of the men who had slain the dragon and rescued the hospital.

As these memories broke through the fog of the spell cast on him by McKinsey: he was emboldened and drove the evil wizard from his tower.

Lewisham Hospital was saved and there was rejoicing across the land.

So sleep well dear children for this is only a fairy story and Level 3 acute care remains in the borough of Lewisham.

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